When you’re pregnant it changes everything. People treat you different, and people act different. I told my friend – the bride – about our plan and how we would be doing it. Obviously I wanted to make her aware that this would not affect her wedding at all.
When I first told her we had gone to try some dresses on, they were beautiful dresses, very expensive. I am a plus size woman so it was an unpleasant experience for me anyway. The rest of the bridesmaids were skinny and had no problems, anyway the dress I needed in the size I needed they didn’t stock in the store, so I just had to stand there like a lemon, holding a dress up to my chest. While the ‘personal shopper’ complimented every one of the girls, then got to me, and said, yes well you look good too, the girls all turned round to me and laughed – now if I didn’t feel awkward and fat already, then I did now! I laughed along because this wasn’t about me.
Anyway, the bride told me they were the dresses we would go for and asked what size she should order, I told her and she ordered. It then got brought round and I tried it on, it didn’t fit properly, as well as being plus size, I have large boobs. So all in all not a good mix. Anyway I explained to her that the baby was due end of May and her wedding wasn’t until September. So I would lose whatever weight I needed to by then, she then said well if not we can always alter the dress. I agreed that this was a good idea.
A couple of weeks passed by and I got a call from the bride. She was coming round to have a chat. During this chat she explained how it would be awkward to alter the dress and that it would just be easier to return the dress and then buy another. I was happy to do that, it is her wedding after all and whatever she wants. I explained that I would do whatever to make her happy. She said that she and her fiancé felt that it was just too much trouble changing dresses and buying dresses that won’t fit me anyway. I agreed and said yes whatever.
Once she had left we were texting and basically she said well how about I give the maid of honour job to the other bridesmaid. She explained how she didn’t want it to be too stressful for me and that I would have other things to think about. Which is fair enough? I would have other things to think about, but I would never, no matter what the situation, take Maid of honour off someone and give it to someone else. She would then expect me to stand up at the alter knowing I had been demoted from Maid of honour. And I would like to add, in a different dress, because obviously I am too huge to fit in the designer dresses and I am too awkward to get another one altered. She is my best friend, and I have never felt so pushed out by her before. I thought I could tell her anything and share anything with her.
She has made me feel so out of it.
I feel like I have lost my best friend. I don’t think she realises how hurt I am. She is treating this like I have done this on purpose, like I have purposely got pregnant so I can one up her. I understand that this is her big day and this is her priority, however I have my own priority now. I have a family now and they are my priority. And frankly if she can’t understand that then I don’t know where we go from here.
To take something like that off someone, not just someone, your best friend, because it might not work at your wedding is just something I would never do. I would make it work.
Each day I find out that I am nothing like most people, maybe that’s where I’m going wrong.